I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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