i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
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