Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
