I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Holy sore nipples Batman
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
