No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
it's like heaven, but drunker
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
