Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
