seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
