Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
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