the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
