I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
