I seem to have left my pride at pride
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
