I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
