I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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