what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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