It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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