i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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