I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
