To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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