Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
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