They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
