I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
PANTIES FOUND
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