he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
