I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
