eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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