I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
