I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
