is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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