I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
