Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
