Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
