That's when you crack a 10am beer
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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