Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
