Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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