im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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