Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
