ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
