shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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