i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
