It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
