Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
NoShamevember. You game?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
