I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
