We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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