relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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