I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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