Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
