I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
