Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
