Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize