Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
