If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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