What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
