If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
