Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
do herpes really smell.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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