Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
