Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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