you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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