Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
i love accidental penises.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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