That's when you crack a 10am beer
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
