Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
