Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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