thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
