I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
