I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize