meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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