someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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